!!!!Ugly Art!!!!

Allot of people don't realize that there is so many varied categories in dolls and doll art.Just in the little niche that My Ugly Art Dolls fall into alone have allot of different categories alone.People don't understand that there is a large difference in things like art dolls as opposed to toys ect. Lets start with the types of dolls I make.I call what I do Morbid Fine Art Dolls,I just tag on the word morbid because my work is of a darker nature and this easily conveys that without sounding kitschy or like horror toys.

Art or Fine Art Dolls: Art dolls or Artist Dolls are normally hand made,all originals sculptures that are or not mounted on a base.These dolls are not meant to be played with and are not for children,they are also normally in the higher in price range.The higher price range reflects that fact that allot of work and money went into making the doll.If the doll is a one of a kind a true one of a kinds meaning the artist will never every make something like it again,and did not make a mold from the doll or make the doll from a mold.This is just the same as with a original,one of a kind painting or sculpture and a art doll can run into the thousand's of dollars just like a original painting by a well known painter.The normal price range for a art dolls is from about 300.00 to into the thousands.Allot of times they can be fragile and can convey some intense emotions or grown up themes.That doesn't just go for art dolls like I make but for art dolls in general. Some good examples of art dolls or art doll artist are some of the dolls and artist National Institute of American Doll Artist

There are also Horror Dolls: Horror dolls are normally dolls that have horror movie type themes,things like spooky bunnies,nurses,brides,babies,vampires or monster looking dolls.They have a sort of tongue in cheek scariness to them.The vast majority of the time they are what is called a "repaint" a ready made traditional type doll that has been bought at a store and then revamped to look with paint,by breaking,using epoxy or such to make wounds ect.Most of the time if the a horror toy is wearing clothing it's clothing that the doll came with that has also been spookied up with paint,gray dye or fake blood.Unlike art dolls they are not one of a kind or even hand sculpted and the clothing isn't hand made either.Since they are normally hand made one by one,even if they are made from a ready made purchased doll they can be billed as "one of a kind" because something made or even repainted by a human hand can't be duplicated exactly. One thing I dislike about some horror doll makers is that they try and get a bit tricky with wording to not fully admit that they have basically bought a doll at Goodwill or some cheap porcelain doll off of Ebay and dip dyed the dolls clothes and splashed some spray paint on the doll.They will say the doll is a artist doll or designer doll,when the case is that it IS a artist or designer doll but the person spooking up the doll is NOT the artist of the original doll,doll parts and clothing.I think that is a little deceptive on their part,especially because it confuses collectors and they may be willing to pay a art doll's price for what is a repaint.But there are Horror doll artist like Bastet2329 or Autopsy Babies that will explain that they collect broken,discarded or unwanted dolls and give them new life. The price range of these type of dolls are a little bit lower then art dolls because of the fact they are less work and the artist allot of times has no problem if you want a doll made similar to a previous one they have made.The price range for this type of doll is between 35.00 to 150.00. Things like Autopsy Babies are perfect examples of a horror doll.

And Horror Toys: Horror toys are like the horror dolls and have kitschy horror themes,but they are things that are mass produced by toy companies.They can be designed off the artist original toy or off of a artist repaint of a ready made doll.They are produced in masses or in limited editions,but the limited editions can number into the thousands or even millions.They are made from plastic so you could in theory give them to a child to play with.The price rand can run from 15.00 to 35.00.Because of the materials,production values and the number they are produced in,they are basically the bastard brothers and sisters to things like Beanie Babies,GI Joe and Barbie dolls. Living Dead Dolls and McFarlane Toys

Slut Culture.
Jesus died for somebody's sins not mine,you showed you cooch for yourself not me.
Don't you just HATE it when woman claim they did porn for the good of all woman kind?

I was reading a article the other day talking about the over sexuality of society in this day and age,and were talking about things like Suicide Girls' myspace where you see 14 year olds commenting that "they can't wait till 4 more years,then they can be on SG." maybe it's because I'm naturally a bit older then 14 so I don't understand that mind set,but when I WAS 14,the thought of growing up to be jack off material grossed me out,if you come up to me now and say something like that to me,I'll STILL knock the living hell out of you.
When I was 14 if a boy my age or worse a man older then me made any kind of sexual comment to me,I would have kicked the living shit out of them.Because of that I can't imagine at 14 my goal in life being spank material,and getting paid crumbs to do it none the less.Hell I could at least understand if people do things like that to put themselves through school,or like some of the top Alt Erotica models that do it to live off the funds they make off of their erotic modeling,it's basically their job.But there has been huge fusses made with ALLOT of the well known Alt Erotica sites that they don't pay people,if they do they pay them crumbs,that they treat them like meat ect.
Lord knows I'm not exactly a grand role model for girls younger then me,It's not exactly deemed more respectable by society to be a damn heathen,outlaw offensive artist that does crap like hang from hooks and eat worms.But at least I show that I have a voice and backbone and I'm not something just to look at while somebody releases their sexual tension.
And before everybody that is a erotica model or even sex worker gets their bile riled up at me,I'm not talking to you if you are a adult,and if you are in that business because it's your chosen path in life.I'm sure most of the people that do things like that for a living don't approve of what I do,and think Thank God at least I'm not like HER.LOL
What I'm talking about is that it seems that so many younger girls are just brainwashed to believe the ultimate achievement in life is getting sexual attention for masses of strangers.Strangers that if they could see them they would not want to even talk to them.I remember when I was growing up as a pre-teen,everybody wanted to be a pop star,not stroke material.
I think some of it is the pretty facade that is put on some many things like say the Alt Erotica sites,I think most younger people think of Alt Erotica modeling as some how more artistic and respectable them "normal porn",which I think is a snobbish attitude in itself.Hell at least more "normal porn" stars are smart enough to make bank off what they do.I think most folk's *that don't have memberships to a Alt erotica site* concept of Alt Erotica is that it's "art nudes".If it were art nudes there would be a hell of allot less members.I know people that have pay sites for their art nude photography,and I mean real art nude photography.They don't hardly make anything off their sites because once people join,and see it's not stroke material they are out of there.
TV even shows the pretty side of porn and erotica,You just see the 3 happy go lucky girls living in the Playboy Mansion you DON"T see the fact they likely had to fend off tons of seedy people to get there,or the fact they have to have sex with a 70 year old man and God knows who else.
At least with things like stripping,girls have to face the reality of what they are doing,they understand there is a seedy underbelly to it and if they are smart know to stay away from the seedy parts of their job.But as with doing anything on the net people have their invisible wall they put up in their minds about things.
They think because it's on the net they are more respectable then a stripper ect,again it's that good o'l snobbery,at least strippers are honest about what they are doing.Girls, ESPECIALLY young girls for some fucked up reason think that if they do internet Alt Erotica,that there will be no exploitation,you won't be treated like meat,people won't yell at you,or tell you to bend over further,spread wider ect like in normal erotica/porn.
If you talk to anybody that has left or had a falling out with a Alt Erotica site,you will learn the hard truth.There are just as many nasty,sleazy,doped up,exploitive people in Alt porn as in Mainstream porn.Just because the folks running the show might look Alt and not like somebody from Boogie Nights,doesn't mean everything is Jim Fucking Dandy! I don't understand the girls that get involved in these situations thinking they will be artist models,which is mistake #1.Then they are horrified when the sites or photographers tell them no you gotta spread 'em ect.
Maybe I just know better cause I grew up in a ghetto,I don't know.
But I still don't get what happened to being 14 and wanting to be a actress,doctor,vet,dancer,artist or even a rock star.It's sad when we have come to the point where being a rock star or artist is far more respectable then what girls want to be.

Frustration and the meaning of art.
One of the most frustrating things as a artist is to have people NOT GET IT.
I think all of us artist understand that other people do not live in our heard so therefore they will not get some of the things you do right off the bat,but I think though you hope people at least understand the feeling of it.
You at least expect people can get the feeling conveyed by what you are trying to do,As in if someone sees a paining of somebody crying they should at LEAST be able to grasp the artist is trying to portray sadness.
Sadly though sometimes even when things was blatantly obvious people still don't get it,I tell people I do fine art dolls I will then get asked by people so you mean like Living Dead Dolls or Nightmare Before X-mas?I will normally if I can refrain from kicking them say no I make surreal fine art dolls,then I will be asked what does that mean.When people don't even know what the term surreal means they seriously need to pull themselves away from the TV and read a freaking book.
I get reduced to saying to dolls look like ME.I figure they have the brain of a chicken and that they are least realizes I'm very strange looking and that then they can equate in their stupid little minds "ok if she is weird looking the dolls must be weird looking too."
People see my name is Ugly and yet some still feel like they should tell me how ugly I am,as if somebody that has named themselves Ugly just thinks they are the most beautiful thing on earth and needs to be tossed of their vain throne.
It also really annoys me when people make excuses for other people's ignorance,Oh they just don't know any better.In this day and age and any day and age for that matter there is no excuse for being a idiot.What grates against me more then that is that fact people don't know they are idiots.It's fine of somebody doesn't understand something,but if you don't understand it don't make pompous stupid remarks to flail your ignorance in the face of the world.
When people totally miss the point of things it makes you ask what the hell do I even do all this stuff if people are THAT stupid.People's ignorance to totally obvious things are the main reason why artist are afraid to show their work.You start to feel the pearls before swine feelings creeping up.
It's really depressing that I'm sure there are some really amazing artist out there that will never show their work because of their fear of other's stupidity.
It's also very depressing that in this world sports players are paid millions of dollars because they can throw a freaking ball but sooooo many extremely talented artist are basically starving artist,because in this society the lowest common dominator intelligence and creativity wise are rewarded.

Keeping your clothes on VS Taking them off as a model.
Let me first start off by saying that I actually have the utmost respect for people who make a living in the adult industry,be it dom's,erotica models,porn actresses and prostitutes .I actually tend to get along better with women in the "adult industry",better so then I do with "normal" women.Because as I see it even though I myself don't make a living off sexuality,we are all in the same boat in a way as business women in a unusual business.
Having said that I will say this.Since I respect other for what they do,I also expect respect,no better yet I demand it,for the fact I do not do things like erotica,or topless/nude modeling.
I also think it's highly wrong,that in this "scene" girls are sort of made to think you HAVE to do that type of thing,to get a established name.I will say established name,or well known because not a damn one of us are "famous".David Bowie is famous,the high school prom queen is well known.So it's easy to figure which category we all Alt folks fall into.
Yes it's a little bit harder to get established as a paid model if you keep your titties to yourself,but if you really want something,it's worth getting off your butt and working for it isn't it?
I honestly can't say that it is harder to get established as a Alt model in general,because I never felt like I had a prob getting on my feet with it.
I also never felt like I didn't get to shoot with cool people,or get to be in or on cool things.I have even gotten to shoot with most of the cool art erotica or fetish photographers.And I have never felt pressured to show things I'm not comfortable showing.
No one cay say that I have been on the down low,with the fact I don't do nude or topless modeling.I have always been VERY blunt about it,as I am about everything ;P
I kind of fell into modeling,because people took pic's of me because I was the weird girl that made the weird dolls.Once I realized that it was in a way a chance for me to get free advertisement for my art,by getting myself out there,I just stuck with it.
But I hope that something else that came out of it is that,other girls can see from looking at me that you don't have to do anything you don't want to,that if you want to keep your clothes on you CAN,and not have to worry about if it will hamper you getting established.It's in my opinion that you can even still be a sexy or pin up model,and still not have to bear all if you don't want to.Don't let people think you will be thought of as a "prude" cause I will lay you money that,NOBODY and I mean NOBODY thinks of me as a prude ;)
Also that your wishes are ONLY NOT respected,if you let other people walk allover you.
I think in general to be a successful model,your most important features are your individuality and your BACKBONE!
And if anybody doesn't like what I just said,or is STUPID enough to take it the wrong way.Y'all can kiss my fat ass y'all hardly ever see! ;P
People can scream at me I'm a self-righteous son of a bitch,and ya know what I am,and unless you want to "take it outside" keep your yap shut.

One of the reasons.
One of the reasons I have always been vocal about how, I don't think drug addiction or promiscuity are cute is because.....
I have always not been promiscuous,and I have never touched drugs or drank in my life.
So growing up when other teenagers were getting fucked and fucked up with strangers I wasn't doing that,because of my never participating in that I was always made to feel like I was a freak and like I was the one that was doing something wrong.
I use to hardly ever tell people that I wasn't a whore or that I didn't drink or do drugs because I was almost made to feel ashamed I didn't.
After I got a bit older and as always said to hell with it.I'm happy with the way I am and I have no reason to feel ashamed about not doing those thing,I still don't preach at people for the fact they do drink or fuck around,hell I don't even consider myself straight edge namely for the fact that I use drug and occasionally sexual symbolism in my art to get some extreme points across,so I don't want to claim to be straight edge because of that and soil the name of Straight Edge with that.
Then once I became a little known in the underground and I realized that people actually for whatever weird reason pay attention to me that maybe I had the chance to tell other people it's fucking OK to not do drugs or be a whore.I have allot of female fans some of which was young and if I can make them at a younger age then I was when I realized to hell with it I'm happy with the fact I'm clean so be it.
One of the things I try to with the little fan base I have it tell them and again *especially young females* that it's ok to have balls,it's fucking ok to have a opining about something,it may not make everybody like you and hell you may even lose friends over it but in the end all you have is yourself and you and to live with you at the end of the day,and it's much more easy to live with yourself if you have a fucking backbone to hold yourself up through life!
Sure allot of people may not be impressed with me but the ones that are,are the only ones that count.
I get shit for all the things I have to say but I can live with myself and be happy that I stuck with my guns at the end of my life.

Don't let it bother you.
I can't say I have EVER regretted standing up for myself,even if I have lost the fight,I know that because I stood up for myself people saw it and will now think twice about trying me.
It really disgust me that society tries to make everybody into as Anton Lavey said "dogs that roll over when kicked".People are discouraged from having backbones anymore.
My absolute fave is when people say well if you fight back then you are no better then the people you are fighting with.They are right,but I'm actually WORSE then the people I'm fighting with and everybody will damn well know it when I'm done.
It especially gets under my skin whenever someone will try and correct me for standing up for myself.If more people were like me and would take action when somebody wrongs them or calls people out on their wrong doing the world would be better off.
"Don't let it/them bother you" is one of my least favorite expressions.
There is a word for people that "don't let people bother them" and let people get away with shitting on them,we call them COWARDS!
I have never been a coward and never will be,I wasn't raised to be one.
If I don't take up for myself it will eat me alive and makes things worse,because if somebody tries me and I just scream at them right off the bat it gets it out of my system,but if I don't do anything about it,the next time I see that person I will totally flip out with rage and likely strike them and get my ass in trouble.So just telling/screaming at somebody about what I'm upset about in the first place is always the best bet for me.
Turn the other cheek is in the Christian bible and I don't follow that thing anyway

The Apocalypse Sermon
Today's sermon will be on The End Times........
As most of you know I went to a Christian School as a child.They literally scared the HELL out of us over the second coming of Christ
As I have said before I think that is why I'm a night owl till this day,because of them telling us Jesus would come as a thief in the night,so because of that I'd TRY and TRY to not fall asleep in case Jesus descended on earth and the Rapture happened.I was VERY religious as a kid *hell I still am a religious fanatic,just with a different religion now ;)*
Just the mere mention of the Apocalypse as a kid would send me into EXTREME panic attacks because I was so scared I wasn't a good enough Christian that I'd get left behind to be tormented by Satan.I would often hope and wonder if I could withstand the torments of Satan doing all the horrible things to us he was suppose to do at the End Times,like brand us,starve us,kill our loved ones in front of us if we didn't bow down and worship him.All that is a bit stressful for say a 10 year old to deal with.
I use to hope and pray on my knees sweating for God to PLEASE not let it happen in my lifetime.I also remember this one pic I saw in Life magazine as a kid in a article about The Devil and or the End Times of demons grinding the hair of people and feeding it to them in hell,somebody saw me looking at it and said you see that is what happens in hell and I almost cried right there in the Library.
Now because of all the natural disasters and the war the preachers and evangelist have started singing the same tune about the End Times again.
Now I actually HOPE it happens,something needs to happen this world has run out of resources.
Most of us are so sick of things we literally mutilate ourselves like the possessed man in the bible,people have become nothing but hollow shells that at best have no personalities,and at worst are conniving,heartless and mean for no reason,for lack of better words everything now is CRAP.Fashion is reduced to the things that have been left in the Goodwill for years because no one wanted it,so some idiot sold it back to people as high fashion.Case and point Uggs.Women either look like unattractive men or Barbie doll cones and men look like either a ugly Roman Emperor or like if you took one of the young Beatles,forced them to not bathe,and made them wear said Goodwill rejects.
People in general are getting stupider and more heartless then ever,people more and more will step on others or kill somebody just to grab a fake crumb.
Everything is decayed and threadbare.I hate the whole world and hope to hell it blows up and takes me with it first!
Maybe that is why I have that weird love/hate relationship with Jesus.He stood me up and will probably do it again.LOL

All my life.
You know all my fucking life,I have had to put up with people telling me that I'm basically not even good enough to breath air.Not even good enough to live or be in the same world as them.
It's either because I'm female,when I was a kid it was because I was young,because I wasn't a "good enough Christian"because I didn't grow up with allot of money,because I'm not pretty,because I have no respect for my elders and "authority" and normally just because I'm ME.
When I got to be about 13 years old,I decided I wasn't EVER going to take it again,And I haven't.
Oh I STILL get told on a almost daily basis about how awful I am because off all the above reasons.It's just now I actually stand up for myself with my mouth and if need be with my fist too,and hopefully in doing that,next time the same bullies that try and push me,will think twice about doing it to the next person.
I hope that when I'm dead and gone,that not only people can look at the art I left behind,but also look at the fact that I ALWAYS stood up for myself,that I didn't give a fuck who someone was,that if they tried to push me,I pushed back!
I also home that the way I am also especially inspires other girls and women,to have a stronger backbone and stand up for themselves.
All be it you will be called a bitch and pompous because you stand up for yourself.But I'd rather be called a bitch and have people know to not push me,then have everyone's adoration and be shit upon.

What annoys the hell out of me is the fact that artist are not respected as much as musicians.
No matter how talented you are with your hands people still do not see it even remotely as cool as being "in a band".
Doing events and such I see artist friend almost have to pull teeth to get guest artist slots,where the event gives you a free table and pays your way to come out.BUT the same places will gladly pay a untalented band and totally kiss their ass to do the same event.
Artist are totally underrated and we do NOT get the respect or the treatment we deserve.I'm sure at some things myself and other artist bring in just as many people to see us as some of the bands they have play.
Do we get the "rock star treatment" of course not.We have to shell out well over 100.00 for a booth and sometimes even buy tickets to get into the events because we may not even get that courtesy.
If you have amazing artistic skills it still isn't as respected as some twit that looks cute on stage and can sing off key.
People and events need to recognize that WE are just as much as a draw and should be treated as well as the bands,or it will get to where none of us come out for anything.At most events like 40% of the vendors are artist,Artist that pay like over a 100.00 a pop for a booth will not attend then the events will lose allot of business.So people need to treat people that have actually gotten off our asses and developed a skill a little bit better.
It sickens me the under appreciation of art and artistic talent nowadays

Not to sound like Little Richard *who I share a B-day with* and claim I invented rock and roll but.......I will anyway.
Use to all the little wannabe alternative models were soooo into that Gothic Lolita crap.
Everybody wanted to be sooo fucking cute.With their fluffy dresses,PERFECT makeup and cute gear.
I for one am disgusted by cute.Because as they say I "grew up rough" I was never cute I never wanted to be a Princess.I wanted to be a Preacher,Nun or Punk rocker when I grew up.
Even now I want to have nothing to do with sunshine and roses.
My art and even my modeling reflects my outlook on life.When I do something gory and especially when it's REAL gore like really hurting myself it's to express something.For example,my fascination with menstrual blood is I have had "female problems" since I started puberty.I have many memories laying half unconscious on the floor because I was hemorrhaging from my crotch and in so much pain I couldn't move.I remember one time being in so much pain I got into the bathtub thinking the hot water would help.I got the strength to get up a bit and when I did I can remember seeing about a cup of blood come out of my crotch as well as about a handful of huge blood clots.I was so horrified and thought I was going to die,in fact I wished I would because I was in so much pain.
My black eyes are from when I'd dream of myself as a kid and I'd always see myself with black eyes.
So fond memories like that are expressed in my modeling.
I was expressing things like that when everybody wanted to be a fucking Gothic Lolita.
But the point I'm slowly getting to is now that I'm getting more well known and my pic's are seen more places.It seems now everybody that was a cute little gothic princess is now trying to be a Gore Whore.
They have hung up their Jennie Nitro gowns to try fake blood and gore instead.When most of these people haven't seen blood in their LIFE.
And not a fucking ONE of these Gore Whore wantabes would EVER really hurt their bodies in their life.
I at least have the balls to go one step further and REALLY hurt myself.Because some things can ONLY be expressed with pain.As I have said before sometime there is nothing left to do but hurt yourself.
When I'm covered in gore it means something there is a THOUGHT behind it.There is ART behind it.If people had to go through what I have been through and see what I have seen they wouldn't be able to take it.
I will go through allot for my art including mutating myself.I paint in my own blood,I hurt my body to express things nobody else that thinks they are a scream queen could handle that shit.I'd like to see them take a hook to the neck and rip their neck so bad that will have a scar for life that will be seen in ever one of their flavor of the month Alt Modeling shots.
I'm proud of my scars and I have the balls to have ones that don't come wrapped in plastic at the costume shop.
Because that is EXACTLY what it is for 99% of them a fucking costume.They wouldn't be able to take it if it wasn't removable.It's a joke,a parody,a POSE!That is what makes them poseurs and wantabes.